It's Hard To Move On
by Lullaby-Addict
Summary: ALL HUMAN. Bella's best friends Alice and Rosalie have been taking care of her since her heart took devastating blows months ago. Bella is convinced that things can never be the same, but can Edward can show her different can be good too?
1. 7 Months

**I own nothing!**

7 Months

**APOV**

"7 months Alice!" Rosalie yelled as she chased me into the kitchen

"Lower your voice before she hears you! And yeah I know!"

"All I'm saying is this can't be healthy"

_Nothing is healthy or fair about this_, I thought

"Which is why we're getting her out of the house tonight!" I said as I lifted myself on to the kitchen counter. I needed to be eye level if I wanted to convince Rose to left me go through with this.

"I'm all for getting back in to the swing of things but don't you think this would be too much too soon?"

The three of us used to be social butterflies! No we weren't skanks, though Rose dressed like one from time to time, be we used to go out on the town! Dance! Go bowling! Have fun! Shop! ...my God I missed shopping. I still did! How could I not?! But it wasn't the same without bars and clubs to go to (never ever mentioned them anymore) or Bella to dress up! I don't even dare to give her clothes anymore. That would only upset her…So instead I'd simply bought clothes for her and had been keeping them in my closet for when she was feeling, I don't know, better?

"But this is your idea? What happened to baby steps?"

"First off, just think of it as a big baby step and-"

"A giant ass baby step" I glared at Rose. We were both very protective of our dear friend Bella but since everything happened Rose became even more so. I think she partially blamed herself, which was beyond ridiculous!

"And second of all you don't know if she'll even say yes"

Okay I lied. Bella would totally bite. I'd been setting up my plan for weeks now and I finally set it all in motion on Monday. A cough here, a sniffle there. Now it was Friday and I kicked everything up a notch, with a few chills here and there and now a 'severely sore throat' which meant I couldn't work to my fullest abilities tonight. Another reason for us to be quiet, if Bella heard me everything would be ruined!

I knew Bella was in pain, a pain I could never be able to bare, but she was a big hearted person and I knew she wouldn't turn me down…especially if I said my job was on the line. A job that used to be hers. I had taken over her position and mine. I was no longer a waitress but a singer on Friday nights as well. My voice was pretty good, but nothing compared to Bella's. If all else failed I'd have to use that six lettered word.

"I swear Alice-" she looked back at the bathroom to make sure Bella was still in the shower and the turned back to stare daggers at me, pointing her perfectly manicured nail in my face "I swear if something happens tonight that ruins all the progress she's made over the pass months-"

"You can have all my shoes!" _Shit did I really say that? Shit!_

"Screw the shoes, you're feet are too sizes smaller than mine anyway!"

The bathroom door creaked open and e both turned to see the Bella walk silently to her room. Her head down, never looking up. We sighed and looked back to one another.

"God I miss her"

"Ditto" I said as I rested my head on to Rose's shoulder.

"When was the last time she smiled? A real genuine smile, not one of those half hearted ones she does when she knows I'm worried"

"Four months six days and 17 hours but hey who's counting"

"Seriously?"

That was probably one of Bella's best and worst days. Back then she mostly stayed in her room, but had started venturing out to the kitchen to get food instead of us bring her some to remind her that she needs the stuff. She had also strung a few sentences together so I decided to be bold by suggesting a group activity- Cleaning. Hey it didn't involve leaving the comforts of our home so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal.

Everything started out fine. We managed to make some small talk with her, she asked about classes and such. I spoke with Rose before and to make sure certain topics were never touched upon

We were in Bella's room sitting on the floor when she found a box of some of her old stuff buried deep in the back of the closet. Most of them were random things, like an old teddy bear, notebooks from school (took all my strength not to pick on her for her Lisa Frank stickers), library books that were years of due, a top of mine that I thought I had lost ages ago! I don't know how I managed to control my anger when I realized not only was there a giant stain on it! But I remember searching high and low for that thing until Bella convinced me that she had given it back to me and someone must have stole it from my locker at the gym! I loved that top dammit! It was from Betsy Johnson! Ugh!

I was torn from my thoughts when I sock hit me in the face. I looked at Rosalie but before I could make a comment she mouthed 'look' and I followed her gaze to see Bella holding a glass dream catcher.

_Uh oh that has to be from him_

It was simply amazing. The way the glass woven and twisted together was breathtaking and the vibrant colors made it even more magical. The whole time Rose and I staid quiet, unsure of what to say if anything. As far we knew she didn't have anything that was a reminder of his

_Selfish bastard_, I remember thinking. It was an unfair thing to think but what he did was much worse. I was totally justified…right?

I wish you could it. She ran her fingers over it so gently, like she was scare that it wasn't real or with the least amount of pressure it shatter. She was mesmerized as the light sent the colors of the dream catcher flying to reflect on her pale skin. I saw her eyes start to fill with tears, as did Rosalie. We rose preparing for the worst when…she smiled. Bella actually smiled. They were tears of happiness. Happy tears!

We were in awe was of her. Rose touched her hand to her heart upon seeing Bella; it was both out of relief and seeing our dear friend smile for the first time in a long time. She used to be so energetic, so full of life! For this brief moment I thought things would start to get better, we were seeing a tiny bit of the Bella we'd known for years peaking out through the sadness…

Bella was holding the dream catcher up to the window to see the sun shine through the glorious colors of the glass when the phone rang. She snapped out of her thoughts and was soo startled that she jumped and dropped the dream catcher causing it to break into hundreds of pieces. Rose and I gasped loudly while Bella looked down utterly destroyed. No one moved, that is until she collapsed onto the floor- on to the broken pieces of glass.

She let out a scream- horror of having lost the one thing that he had left behind and the pain of her heart breaking yet again and ofcourse the pain of the glass slicing her skin. We rushed to her immediately but no matter what we she wouldn't stop shaking and crying.

"_Bella, breathe, Bella-"_

"_Bells, look at me! Open your eyes Bells!"_ Rosalie pleaded, and then I saw the blood.

"_Shit-Bathroom now!"_ I screamed at Rose

Bella cuts weren't that bad but there _was_ blood…Bella + blood BAD! For soo many reasons

Of course right after I yelled to her, Bella looked down at her red hands and shins and sobbed even harder. We ran with her to the bathroom just in time. She spent the rest being sick while I cleaned cuts and Rose held her. Not the worst night we'd ever had together but it was a close 2nd or 3rd .

Back to my plan! Bella had been getting better. She no longer looked starved (though she wasn't eating as much as we liked her to) ; her nightmares were at an all time low, she actually made conversation and eye contact with us, she'd go out on runs, and walk with us to the grocery store. And! I SWEAR, though Rose doesn't believe me; I swear she had been playing my guitar the past couple of weeks!

I'd come home from work to find it in its normal spot but something was off. I knew my room, everything had its place and I could tell if something had been moved a half a centimeter. Someone had been using my guitar and it wasn't the dear musically challenged Rose. It is actually what prompted my plan.

"Just trust me on this Rose" I said to Rose who had turned to stare helplessly at Bella's bedroom door.

"Please, please promise me that you will not push her if she says no." She sighed.

I took her face into my hands "Me? Pushy?..Never" I grinned wickedly

"God you're a firefly from hell aren't you" She said and kissed my forehead

"Am I interrupting something?" Bella was wearing old pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt and was squeezing the excess water out of her hair with a towel.

"Hey Bells, how was your run?" Rose asked, she was horrible at trying not to sound concerned

"Long" she replied while grabbing the milk from the refrigerator.

I think night running had become the latest outlet for her emotions. It was better than being cooped up in her but she sometimes she'd be gone for almost 3 hours and the second she'd get back she'd jump in the shower without a word. Rose tried to run with her one night and came back looking like she was about to die. Oh and did I mention she came home alone?

"_Well that was quick" _I said as Rose collapsed on the couch next to me

"_I haven't run that hard and that long since...never!"_

"_Where's Bella?"_

"_Still running. Hell if I was running she must have been sprinting"_

"_Couldn't keep up huh? I thought you were the fitness Queen"_

"_Well apparently there's been a coup! Now ice! Icenowpleasethankgodblessyoursoul!"_

"What were you guys doing before I came in here anyway?"

"Oh" I said in my best sore throat voice "I'm still feeling under the weather so Rose was seeing if I had a temperature" Rose kissed my forehead again this time it lasted a little longer.

"You do feel a little bit warm"

"Greeeaaaa" I sneezed "Great" Rose shoved the box of tissues at me and mutter a 'bless you'.

"You're staying home, no work for you"

"Rose no I have to go, I can wait the tables" Cough/sniffle combo…my god I'm good "I just can't sing tonight. Well I could but either my voice will disappear or my it'll chase customers away"

"Why don't you just call one of the others to cover for you?" _Ah ha!_ Bells had brought it up before I did!

"I already called but everyone who could is out of town. Shit, Lauren is going to have my ass.

"Did you try tea? That always helped me"

"We're out of tea bags. I've cleaned us out"

"Oh" I could tell Bella was trying to think of other ways to help by the way she scrunched her face up. _This is it! Strike!_

"Listen Bella… I know this would be big favor to ask, but do you think you could cover for me tonight?" _Uh oh that look in her eyes isn't promising annddd she backing away- not good _"It was your voice that got people coming to Twilight in the first place, your voice is better than mine even on my best day and Lauren is always looking for an excuse to fire me so if I don't have a replacement singer she'll probably take that as her cue" _Okay she's stopped moving but she's still looking a little hesitant, time for the big guns _"Please Bella it's just for this one night! Pleaaa- AHCHOOO!...Please?"

Rose's eyes were like laser beams burning holes in the side of my head, but I didn't look at her, I couldn't break eye contact with Bella…and if I looked at Rose I feel like she'd eat my soul

_Never give up never surrender!_

After what seemed like ages she finally looked up from the floor.

"I can't let you loose your job, you wouldn't even have to be-" I quickly got off the counter and hugged Bella and cut her off before she said it, if she did she'd fall to pieces and then none of us would be leaving this apartment tonight!

"ThankyouthankyouthankyouI promise you can pick out your own outfit, I won't even make any comments about what you wear and, and….and you get to pick what you want to sing! You don't even have to sing the entire set! An-"

"Okay Alice, she said already agreed" Rose said through her teeth as she pried me from Bella. _Ow! Yeah that's gonna leave a mark_. She glared at me, I was soo going to an earful later, but her face soften when she turned back towards Bella and took her into a one armed hug and lead her to her room

"Come on let's get out of here before Alice promises you her first born"

"Thanks again!" I yelled as the two of them closed the door to Bella's room.

_Whoops I hope she didn't notice my non-scratchy voice just now!_

It worked! It actually worked! After I did a tamed version of my happy dance, I thanked God that there were no tears involved. Now all that was left was for her to actually perform…in front of a large crowd….which she hasn't done since the night before everything happened

_This has the potential to be extremely disastrous doesn't it_?... _I would never forgive myself if Bella ended up getting hurt tonight. It's just that she has been doing so well that I think she needs a slight nudge to get her back into some of her old ways. I know nothing will ever be the sa -Positive! Think positive dammit!...Maybe if things go well I could finally introduce her to Jasper tonight! And go shopping with Bella tomorrow! Wait forget shopping, the girl was in dire need of a hair cut!_

"We leave in an hour ladies!" I said in the best hoarse voice I could muster up as I tried to hide my excitement for the good that might come from tonight.

**BPOV**

_Shit_


	2. You Two!

**I own nothing!!**

I hope you guys like this chapter, thanks for the reviews! I'll try to not let you down!

You Two?!

**BPOV**

_Did I seriously just agree to sing at Twilight tonight?_

It wouldn't have been the first time I ever sang there let alone in front of a crowd. But it had been along time since I had done so….

"Bells you know you don't have to do this right?" Rosalie said as I sat down on the bed. "Worse comes to worse I coul-"

"Rose I love you but if you sang tonight, Alice would most definitely be fired"

_Wow that was semi funny. _Rose looked slightly taken back. _Great I hurt her feelings. Bravo Bella_

"I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"Please, you were just making a joke… I guess that's what caught me off guard"

I had been such a burden on her and Alice for months now. Bella Watch 08. In the beginning I was a huge mess barely willing to move or talk. I wasn't catatonic. I'm pretty sure those people don't cry out in their sleep or have random mental breakdowns that cause them to sob uncontrollably for hours on end. I can't believe the girls were putting up with me; it wasn't fair that they had to deal with me. They did everything they could for me, but the truth was I wanted none of it. I had been so screwed up for so long I didn't know how to feel anything else…I didn't want to...I shouldn't have even be there.

I lived for I don't know how many months, basically as a zombie. It worked fine for me; at least I think it did... But then I saw how I was affecting Alice and Rosalie. These girls used to go out every night, the apartment used to be filled with their laughter, plans being made for the week, gossip, and playful gibes at each other but now it was silent. Alice, the energizer bunny that bounced from place to place, now spent her time in the apartment reading quietly or on her laptop in her room. Rose, the knock out, the life of the party now spent most of her time worrying about me. I was so mad at myself for bringing this on them! They didn't deserve that life, they were young and gorgeous and should have been out having the time of their lives but weren't because of me. All this was my fault, hell everything was my fault. Over these past months I'd managed to add self loathing to my long list of feelings.

I swore I'd let the girls get back to their normal lives. So I started to take care of myself as best I could, assured them I could be alone for a couple of hours, (they didn't have to work separate shifts anymore), did little things like run errands with them because I knew it would make them happy. And then there were my runs, though those were more for me than anyone else, never the less it got me out of the house, away from them which was good _for_ them. Though all I wanted to do was sit in quietly in my room, that night I would be doing a few more things to make _them_ happy.

"Rose?"

"Yeah babe"

"Can you help me with tonight?" before I could even finish my sentence she sat down on the bed and piece of my hair behind my ear.

"I'll do whatever you need, but you going to have to be a bit more specific"

"Well first off can you help me look half presentable?" She held back the huge smile that I knew was trying to surface. Over these months she was always very cautious around me. That word never really existed in her world until 7 months ago.

I knew she an Alice used to live for giving me makeovers, but there was no way I would have been able to handle Alice right then. Between barely eating in the last few days and running the way I did, I was sure her excitement would cause me to blackout. I knew Rose would be patient and gentle. Hadn't looked in a mirror (avoiding looking into reflective surfaces altogether) in 7months and I wasn't going to start to then.

"Not a problem, first we'll just get some of that water out of your hair and then find you something to wear."

She pulled me in for a hug and I returned it, knowing that's what _she _wanted.

**EPOV**

"Jazz what in the hell are we doing here?" Emmett whined as sat down on a dark wood table in the center of Twilight.

Jasper took a break from scanning the entire place "It was my turn to choose so I chose- deal with it" He went right back to it

_What the hell is he looking for?_

Twilight was a quaint coffee shop/lounge. It was fairly dark inside, the only lights coming from the candles on the tables and the blue, green and white twinkle lights that were hung along the walls and ceilings. I had no problem with the place, but of course if it didn't serve alcohol and have at least 3 big televisions showing the nights games- Emmett was in hell. It most certainly was not night a place that three guys would just go to on a Friday night.

Jasper had been so...I guess giddy is the right word to use, for those past 3 or 4 weeks. I'm not saying that before he was Debbie Downer or anything, he was a normal 20 something who had fun with his friends. Emmett probably didn't notice, because well he was Emmett, but I could see Jasper was different. He smiled more; he'd roll his eyes when Em would make some comment as a girl walked by and most noticeably, his clothes looked more put together, he went out almost every other night without us. All signs pointed to him seeing someone and when Emmett and I asked him about it all he did was smile…and refuse to give us her name or describe her in anyway. That smile said it all

"Hey Jazz" said guy with a "twilight" apron around his waist as he passed us

Jasper immediately dropped and shook his head before saying "Hi Tyler"

"Come here often buddy boy?" chimed Emmett _That's it!_

"Wait a minute" I said as Jasper bit his bottom lip "She works he doesn't she?" With that Emmett wrapped one of his giant arms around Jasper and leaned towards him

"Ahhh so this is where you've been hiding your little love lady it is? Afraid she'd take one look The Emmett Cullen and throw herself at me?"

"Hardly"

His arm still around Jasper, Emmett pulled him in tighter and began to looking at all the waitresses "Sooooo which one is she? Am I looking for a girl with a big-"

Faster than I ever thought possible, Jazz whipped Emmett's arm off of him and wrap around my big brother's back.

"Damn Jasper" choked, half out of shock that he was able to restrain my brother who looked like a pro wrestler and the other half out of pure amusement because of the look on his face when it happened.

"You will behave yourself tonight do you understand?" Jasper hissed at Emmett

"Dude, calm the hell down I was just joking!" He laughed, but his smile disappeared quickly "Ow! Okay, okay I'm sorry! I promise I'll behave" The second he was released he held his shoulder as his moved it back and fourth. Jasper's gaze immediately went to me because I had started to laugh. I held up my hands in defense

"Hey I'm the good one remember" He smiled and apologized to Em, who then demanded that our friend pick up the bill for the night. Jasper went back to looking for his source of his increased happiness.

I was happy for my friend but I was also jealous of him. My life was good for the most, I was financially sound thanks to my parents who were very loving and supportive, my brother was a constant source of entertainment and he and Jasper were there when I needed advice. … but Jasper made me feel like I was missing out on something…something great and I wanted to know what it was and how it felt. Problem was I didn't know how to go about getting it.

I had had my share of girl friends over the years, but none of them lasting very long. The girls were attractive and nice, but none of them caused me to act the way my friend was. As harsh as it may sound there wasn't much to them. What you saw was mostly what you got.

"No freaking way!"

"What?" I looked at my brother who was now trying to his giant muscled self behind his Twilight menu. I couldn't help but laugh. Picture a bear trying to hide behind a book. I turned to look for Jasper's reaction but then saw he was no longer sitting at the table. Emmett threw a menu in my hands

"How is this even possible!?"He asked me like I knew what he was talking about "Dude!" he opened my menu and shoved it in my hands so it covered my face. My laughter continued as he ridiculous behavior continued. I went to look up to see what could possibly cause my brother to cower like this but he pushed my head back down behind the safety of the menu.

"Why are we hiding exactly?" My brother, the one who looked like he could snap a person in half was now looking for the nearest exit. I took great pleasure in watching him squirm, it was a rare event. Then he look me dead in the eye

"Three words my little brother" He lowered his menu and brought it back up just as quickly. "**Rosalie**_** FREAKIN**_** Hale**"

I stopped laughing; stopped blinking, stopped breathing and my heart rate neared that of a heart attack. I joined on my brother's cowering.

"Wha-how! Here?!" _Please God no! Let us get out of here before she sees us! _

"You know what this means don't you?" He looked petrified, one of the many effects Rose had on the male species. I didn't see her and I definitely did not want to. Poor Emmett had more reasons than I did.

"It's going to be a long night?" I breathed

"True but that's not even the half of it" _How could there be more?!_

"Where one Rosalie Lillian Hale is, who is most likely near by?!" _Shit!_ My head hit the table at my realization

"Oh dear God in heaven"

"Alice!" Jasper was back "I'd like you to meet my friends" He said as grabbed the menus away from Em and I. I'm sure if she wasn't there he would smacked us both. Little did he know that she would have done it for him. He hid his anger pretty well as his hand made its way around her tiny shoulder.

Jasper cleared his throat. W_hat the hell does he want us to say?_

I elbowed Emmett and in unison we said"Hi Alice"

I didn't lift my head, I didn't need to. I knew what she looked like, and right now all I needed to hear was the small breathe she let out upon seeing us to know how she was feeling.

"You two?!

"Us two" I sighed with my head still on the table

"You know each other?" Jasper was out of the loop, and it was a big fucking loop

"Oh yeah" God I could actually hear her cross her against her chest! "We go way back, isn't that right boys?" She sounded so smug and confident; we were so screwed.

Lifting one finger in the air "Unfortunately she is correct" I let my hand fall back down to the table. _Note to self; make it a rule to know everything ABSOLUTELY everything about a friend's new girlfriend before meeting her. _

"Hey Rose!" She called

"No, really, please please don't do that" Emmett pleaded- the man pleaded. Another effect of Rose's

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" Poor Jasper, poor clueless Jasper.

_What am I so afraid of? These were girls and what happened, happened a long time ago. We're grown men for crying out loud!_ _Get a grip Edward! Man up!_ Then I heard it… the clicking of heels getting closer and closer. I opened my eyes to look down and source of the sound. _Red_ I thought _what's with her and red?_ Her feet came to a quick stop two feet away from our table

"You two?!" she screeched

"Us two" we admitted. _This is going to be a very very long night _


	3. Twilight

**I own nothing!!**

**Thanks again for all the reviews! They really do mean a lot. I hope you like this chapter!**

Twilight

**BPOV**

_What am I going to sing?_

Rose had dried my hair enough that it no longer looked wet. She put something it in saying "So it won't frizz" She also picked out an outfit for me-jeans, white scoop necked long-sleeved top and a pair of black flats. Rose didn't even attempt to put make up on me; again she was being cautious with me.

There I was in the far corner of Twilight leaning against the extremely long dark wood bar. Twilight used to be a bar but was completely redone once the new owner came along. Now it was a lounge of sorts. The bar was still there but now the bartenders handled milkshakes, sodas, coffee, teas, and juices among other things instead of alcohol. An addition to the bar was a huge glass counter that displayed some of the desserts we offered. Where there used to be pool and beer pong table were now couches, chairs and dark wood tables for the costumers to sit. Both the chairs and tables varied in age, design, shape and size, making each seating area unique mesh of styles.

I chose to stand in at the end of the bar where no one ever went, costumers usually just stayed at their tables and the waitresses would give their orders to the bartenders more towards the center. I had been standing there for over an hour and I still didn't know what I was going to sing

_The audience is used to hearing Alice sing up beat, happy songs; lov…- songs from the heart…I can't _

There was a laundry list of reasons why I couldn't; one of them being that I simply was not capable. I had become pretty good at feigning or masking my emotion for Alice and Rose, but I wasn't…I would never be strong enough to be even a fraction of Alice.

Singing for me, always involved a lot of emotions, and my emotions for a little of half a year were dangerous. So many things could happen

_What's the worse that could happen?_ Visuals flew at me all at once, _me holding a guitar, opening my mouth but all that came out were cries and sobs._ Then there was _me dropping the guitar and making a run for the nearest exit_. Or _me standing there frozen until Rose or Alice came and got me_. That took all of a half a second when my mind stopped and settled… _Me sitting there singing and nothing happening, looking like none of it had ever happened. I saw dark figure in the shadows leaning up against one of the wooden columns… it was him_

I froze… wanting to cry, scream, drop to the ground, run. I would have broke down right there if Rose hadn't come

"Bells" She said warily from behind the bar. She recognize the look on face so she was all the more thoughtful with what she did

"Huh?" Still a bit shaken from the scenario that had me captive in my head.

"Since, you wouldn't eat dinner back home" she slid a plate towards me. "I brought you your favorite, Twilight's very own double chocolate chip brown, with pink whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles. I know it's not the healthiest thing in the world but you really need to eat something sweetie"

She was right. I couldn't remember what I had to eat that day and I was sure that and the fact ran for nearly 3 hours and took a scolding hot shower wasn't a good thing.

_I had a bottle of water today…was that before or after my run?_ I did feel tired and more out of it than usual but given what I was dealing with that night I didn't think anything of it.

"Really I'm fine" But my friend examined me carefully. She looked like she was trying to read my mind. I could tell she was about to voice more of her concerns but I spoke before she could

"Can you do me a favor another favor?"

"Anything Bells" she watched me as I looked out towards the empty 5x5 wood floor where the lights shone on the lone microphone, its stand and a stool.

"Can you…don't give me an introduction tonight okay. And can you do something about the spot light?"

Without a word she turned around and I look out to the performance area and watched the spot light dim to the point where it didn't even look like it was on. The most light was now being provided by the blue, green and white lights that covered every inch of the wall behind the stool.

I had become the hot gossip of the night. My old co-workers had given me quick nods or low 'hello's._ Alice and Rose must have called ahead with a warning. _ Unfortunately the costumers didn't react the same way. The second I entered Twilight I was met by sad smiles, side glances and whispers of "Oh my god…is that her?", "She's back? Bella's back? "And "Isn't that the girl…" And I swear I heard a gasp or two. The introduction and lights would've made me feel like even **more** of a freak on display.

"Thanks" I said. She walked from behind the bar and pulled me into a hug. "Anything for you" she said. _She sounds so sad…my fault_

"Hey Rose!" We heard Alice call from across the room. Rose examined me once more, I guess she was expecting me to cry or run. When I didn't she put her hand on my shoulders and kissed the top of my head

"My lady beckons!" she said with a reluctant smile, I attempted a weak one back. "I'll be back but, until then please eat!" I nodded and she headed off.

I tried to see who she and I Alice were with but it was too dark. I was however able to see a tall guy who had his arm around a small Alice figure. That imagine froze in my mind _she has a boyfriend…Why hasn't she ment-…She was hiding this from me. Was she afraid how I'd react? Or was she afraid how he would?... either way I wouldn't blame her._

That image was another reminder of how much of a burden I was on her and Rose. We used to talk about our dreams getting married and starting a family. The look in their eyes when they talked about their futures was magical. _Those dreams have taken a backseat because of me. If things were different Alice would have been gushing every waking moment about this mystery guy. _Instead when she spoke it was usually to ask if I was okay, if I had eaten, reminding me that she was there if I needed to talk. Right then I became even more determined to get their lives back on track.

_I need to them know and understand, yes I'm screwed up- practically beyond repair, but they shouldn't- no it can't let that affect them. Just because I can't move on doesn't mean that they have to stay behind with me. They can still have their dreams…I know they can_

Finally it came to me. Slowly I picked up Alice's guitar and made my over towards the stool and microphone

**RPOV**

"What the hell are you two doing here?" I demanded.

"Jasper" the Cullen's spoke at the same time. I hadn't seen them in over five 5 years but there was no mistaking them;. they still they had those piercing green eyes, Em's muscles had grown exponentially and Edward gained some muscle as well as losing all the baby fat in his face giving him chiseled yet smooth features- but they were still the enemy…_I didn't think Emmett could look more attractive- FOCUSE HALE!_

I turned to the tall blonde standing next to Alice. I knew she had been seeing him- she'd nothing but good things about him. _Who am I kidding?_ _The girl was in love with him from the moment she saw him_. (_Even though she never dared to say it out loud_) _I knew he was too good to be true. He was friends with these two- his fatal flaw._

"You're Jasper?" I didn't mean to sound angry but I couldn't help it. My eyes went right back to Emmett…

"Jasper, Rose. Rose, Jasper" Alice said quickly trying not to direct any of her anger towards him. "Trust me he's NOTHING like them! Really I promise!" she whispered to me quickly.

"So…" Jasper said to the Cullen's. _Good he looks mad at them_ "Do I even want to know exactly how you know each other?" Emmett shook his head quickly. _God he won't even look at me! Either he's thoroughly annoyed or petrified. Did Edward just roll his eyes?! UGH!!_

"We all used to go to school together back in Forks, isn't that right boys?" I said crossing my arms

"That is of course until they left at the end of mine and Edward's sophomore year, Needless to say my last two years of high school were a blast!" I had been years since we had seen those two, I was glad to see Alice was still just as furious as I was!

"Forks? Alice you never told me that you lived in Forks... Wait a minute…" Jasper was finally putting the puzzle pieces together, his eyes made contact with Edward's then Emmett's, like they were having some sort of silent conversation. The muscle monkey nodded and Jasper closed his eyes and nodded his head. Obviously the Cullen brothers had shared some of their stories with Jasper.

"They were the ones that you-"

"In our defense!" _I can't believe the balls on Edward!_

"DEFENSE?!" I screamed

"We apologized a thousand times Rose bab-" Emmett quickly stopped

"Excuse me?" _He was going to call me baby?! _

"NothingnevermindIdidntsayanything" He quickly spat out. _Is he cowering?_

**EPOV**

"NothingnevermindIdidntsayanything" _My brother is pathetic._ I couldn't take it anymore!

"It was YEARS AGO!" _This is just ridiculous! We were young and stupid. ALL OF US WERE_

"Your point being Edward Anthony?!" Alice had been the only other person besides my mother to call me that when they were mad at me.

"My point being that you two weren't saints back then either! You two did some things too but we've forgiven you and MOVED THE HELL ON!!"

I saw Emmett looking at me like I was a mad man, Jazz was pinching the bridge of his nose _Bet he didn't imagine this when he thought of worst case scenarios for tonight_. While Alice and Rose mouths dropped and glared at me speechless. I thought for sure both of them were going to attack me right then.

"Abort, abort" I heard Emmett cough to me as he rubbed his hands over his face but not before he could take a peak at his very much ex girlfriend. My brother was pathetic.

"Alice maybe I – WE should go" said my friend trying to prevent anymore damage _Jasper your relationship is doomed!_

"Don't be silly Jazz" Alice pulled him closer.

"He can stay but they have to go!" Rose spoke through her teeth.

"No!" I yelled at the same time my brother exclaimed "Sweet!" I glared at my brother._ Grow a pair man!_ _When we get home I have to ask Emmett if she was abusive with him during their relationship._

Rose and Alice viciously pointed their fingers at my brother and I- All of us (well not Emmett, he was ready to pleaded) were about to start a screaming match. Before the girl said anything that I would respond to, they froze.

_Okay what just happened?_

Me and the guys look at each other and then at the girls whose attention was somewhere towards the back of Twilight. It took me a second to realize a guitar being played ever so softly. Rather quickly the entire place was quiet except for the instrument. I stood up to get a better look at where the music was coming from…and then I saw her, silhouetted against the wall of hundreds of small lights…

**Don't kill me!! You'll get more background next chapter I swear!!**

**Any guesses as to what song Bella is going to do? I will be extremely surprised if anyone gets it right…muhahahah :p**

**Suggestions and reviews are very much welcomed!!**

**PS Forgive me if there are any grammatical errors, I've been sick the past couple of days and this chapter is the result of a fever /**


	4. Believe in Dreams

I own nothing

**I own nothing!!**

Believe In Dreams

**RPOV**

_Bella…_I reached for Alice's hand, she gripped mine tightly. I never took my eyes off Bella. Seeing her up back up there…

**APOV**

I didn't recognize the song, but with every strum of the guitar the anticipation grew and grew and my hold on Rose tightened. I never realized how much I missed hearing her sing until she did

_I know  
Days will come and go  
Maybe I'll grow old  
But I will die_

For now  
Is it worth it to be sad  
If it's harder to be glad  
To be alive

**EPOV**

She had the most amazing voice, amazing yet so… hurt and sad at the same time. _No one who sounds like that should ever feel such pain. _She was soo silhouetted that I couldn't see her face; I prayed that there weren't tears coming down it. She finally lifted her head up guitar …_is she looking over here?_

But the trouble I have caused  
I wonder  
Where do I belong  
Is it here

**APOV**

My heart sank,_Oh Bella sweetie._ __

Believe in dreams  
You love so much  
Let the passion of your heart  
Make them real  
And tell  
All the ones you love  
Anything and everything you feel

Laugh about the past  
And secretly  
Wish we could go back  
And save the child

**RPOV**

Her voice cracked on the last verse, I could tell she was holding back sobs. _She's gonna lose it!_ I went to moved towards Bella, _I knew I shouldn't have let Alice do this! _But my friend pulled me back, I finally took my gaze of Bella and looked Alice…she had tears streaming down her face. She looked into my eyes and gestured her head towards Bella as if to say "_trust me…" _Reluctantly my feet staid planted on the floor. Alice wrapped her right arm around my waist, I put my left over her shoulder and turned back towards our Bella.__

As I look around this room  
Seeing worried eyes that know  
It's time we cannot buy  
Was this worth the time to write  
Was this worth the time to write

She was singing Alice and me, only Alice and I.Until then I hadn't noticed that she gaze only ever looked down at the guitar or up towards us. She had our attention  
_  
Believe in dreams  
I believe in dreams  
I believe in dreams  
I believe in you_

Believe in dreams  
You love so much  
Let the passion of your heart  
Make them real  
And tell  
All the ones you love  
Anything and everything you feel

Believe in dreams  
Believe in dreams

**EPOV **

Towards the end of the song, you could hear it was becoming harder and hard for her to sing without being over come by her emotions, but she still sounded beautiful. I had this overwhelming urge to protect her, to comfort her; I don't know where it came from. I hadn't even noticed that I slowly began making my way towards her every time she stopped singing. As she finished the last few chords her head turned towards me and it staid there for a moment… quickly her head went back down-she dropped the guitar causing awkward noise as the strings vibrated against the wood of the instrument. The crowd, that had been silent throughout her performance, burst out in to whispers.

I heard a yelling erupt from the table where I had been sitting. Rose and Alice must have continued their yelling, focusing all their anger on my brother. But I didn't care, I need to find that girl, I had to make sure she was okay; I wanted to know who she was so very very badly. I saw her at the far end of the bar, gripping it as if she let go she'd disappear forever. _I'm coming_

**RPOV**

When Bella had finished, I want to run to her- but I couldn't move. I wanted to call out to her- but I couldn't speak. Seeing her like that made me so happy and soo sad at the same time. Alice pulled me into a full on hug, her head just reaching my chest, I could feel her tears wetting my shirt. She looked up at me and with a sad smile she whipped my face… I didn't even realize I had been crying. I was about to do the same to her when we heard the sound of a guitar hitting the ground. Our heads turned as fast as they could, and we saw Bella almost running of to the sides. I was about to go after her until…ugh Emmett!!

"Wow…damaged goods much?"

Before I even realized what I was doing, I twisted my body around and punched him in the face-HARD. At the same Alice screamed "WHAT?!"

"Ow! Fuck! What the hell Rose?!" He held his face, my right hook made a cut right above his right eye.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Alice was now being held back by Jasper. For such a tiny person, she has remarkable strength.

"Me?! What about you! You're the one throwing punches!"

"Do you know who that was you-you- you asshole!!"

"Obviously not" He said pointing to eye that was covered by his other hand "Since when does Rosalie The Ice Bitch Hale care about other chicks?!"

"UGH!! That's Bella you heartless bastard!"

"Alice I'm sorry about him Alice, Emmett let's get out of here"

"No" I screamed pushing my ex boyfriend back down into his chair "You don't get it do you?" The man looked petrified, I can only imagine how crazed I looked but I didn't care! No one and I mean NO ONE talked about her that way.

I took a deep breath, to try and control myself, but it wasn't for Emmett's sake. I was about to say something that I hadn't said in months. It was an unspoken rule we had. My silence caused his fear to less a bit- he was worried. He gently took hold of one of my hands but I ripped it from his grasp

"Rose are you-"

"She was Jacob's girlfriend Emmett"

"Bella was Jacob's girlfriend?...Jake?" His eyes widen as he finally understood and he dropped his head in shame

"As in Jacob Black?" Jasper asked "He was one of your friends from Forks right?"

"Ours too" sniffed Alice

"…He died in a car crash 7 months ago" I choked on my tears

Emmett with his head still hanging, sighed "And his girlfriend-Bella was in the car with him"

"Oh…oh wow" He moved to Alice and wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head "Guys I am soo sorry"

"HELP!!" I ran over to the bar-I knew something had happened to Bella

**BPOV**

_I did it_…I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I tried to look at my friends throughout most of it; I needed to focus on them. I only ever looked down when I thought I was going to breakdown…I looked down a lot more than I wanted to. The lack of a spot light came in handy, I could see Alice and Rose but they couldn't see my face. If they had seen how hard I was fighting to keep back my tears, and the ones that managed to escape my hold, I'm sure they would have coming running before I could finish.

As my hands made their last movement down the guitar I saw _him._ I could see Alice and Rose, they were near an area that was more lit than the rest of Twilight, and I could make out a few faces in the crowd- but _he _managed to keepin the shadows. It was too much, too much like the vision that I had of me singing and _him_ standing there watching me…too much like the my dreams that caused me to cry out at night

_He's here?- How?-He can't be!.. I'm sorry! I'm soo sorry! I miss you! I miss you so much!... Please, please comeback…love you Jacob...Why is he here?- Is he mad?-Of course he's mad-He hates me-I'm alive and he's dead-He died because of me!_

I looked away. I could barely breathe. Tears streamed down my face. My heart began to race so fast I thought I was going to be sick and my head started spinning. The guitar fell from my hands and I moved as quickly as I could to my shelter at the end of the bar.

**EPOV**

The closer I got to her the more my heart ached for her. Her knuckles were white against the dark wood that they held on to; she swayed a bit. I paused 5 feet away from her. _What should I say? I don't even know this girl! She'll think I'm some creep!...but look at her…_

I couldn't take seeing her like that

**BPOV**

I stopped breathing all together. The bar was the only thing that was keep my on my feet. I heard footsteps behind me and but they stopped. My heart raced even faster. I could hear him breathing. _Jacob… _The world moved around me moved at an insane speed as I heard him move towards me

**EPOV**

Slowly, cautiously, I went to her. I was 2 feet from her. "_Heyy I'm Edward"… Heyy? You're not the Fonz! You're not here to hit on her! _Frustrated with my own stupidity, I sighed rather loudly, startling her. She spun around, too fast. I heard a small, low gasp escape her as her body began collapsing to the ground. I was close enough that I was able to catch her, and gently brought us both to the floor- cradling her in my arms.

"HELP!!"

.When your father is a successful doctor, his knowledge tends to rub off on you- so immediately my inner Carlisle kicked in. I moved my ear towards her mouth, she was breathing…her scent was breathtaking. Her was heart beating fast but it was slowly beginning to normalize. She moved slightly, that simply movement pulled me back from the situation. I was holding a devastatingly attractive woman in my arms. Pushed strands of her smooth chestnut hair off her face that was wet with tears. Before, she had sounded like she was in such pain, but right then…I don't think anyone look soo exhausted and beautiful

"Bella!!" Rosalie screamed as she ran to us

I looked down at girl laying in my arms. _Hello Bella…_

**Did you like it? What do you think of the song? **

**You can listen to it here ****/watch?vhl2G10h8-Y4**

**Let me know what you think, and remember if you have any ideas for the story- throw'em my way!**


	5. Bella!

I know some people are confused about the whole Bella mistaking Edward as Jacob thing so let me esplain. Edward and Jacob looking nothing alike- remember -"_**Me sitting there singing and nothing happening, looking like none of it had ever happened. I saw dark figure in the shadows leaning up against one of the wooden columns… it was him**__" _When she saw Edward, she thought he was Jake because he was hidden in the shadows, just like she seen in her vision. I'll try and make things clearer as it goes on ;)

Sorry I know this Chapter is uber short / I'm promise a nice long one next time! (Emmett: that's what she said!) I might even let you know what went on with Rose, Alice, Edward and Emmett!

Bella?!

**RPOV**

"Bella!" I was frantic! _Please God let her be okay, this is all my fault! _I couldn't see her, but judging by the small crowd that started to form near the bar, I knew where she was. I was ready to stab the onlookers with my red stilettos if they didn't get out of my way. Finally made it to her and there she was on the ground, lying in Edward's-

"Edward?!" I knelt down next to him (not an easy thing when wearing a mini skirt) so I was able to cup Bella's face in my hands "What happened?! Bella, Bells sweetie wake up" She didn't move. I ran my hand across her forehead "Bells come on wake up" I pleaded.

"She's okay Rose she's-" …_Edward!_

"You!" I shot daggers at him, my anger towards him before resurfaced "What did you do to her? Why isn't she waking up?!" I swear if he hadn't been holding Bella I would have nailed him just like his brother- ah! Nailed him meaning punched him in the face!- meaning punched him in the face!!

"Rosalie, you really need to cal--"

"BELLA!!" Alice yelled

**EPOV**

_Calm down.. I was going to say Rose "you need to be calm". They never listen to me_

"Alice!"

"Rose! Is she okay? Bella!"

"I don't know what happened!"

"Edward what did you do?!" the screamed in unison.

Using all my self control not to snap at them, "Will you two stop!" I raised my voice somewhere in between a whisper and my normal volume. I didn't want to wake her. Waking up to Rose and Alice screaming your name isn't pleasant- trust me on that one!

"Give her to me" Rose demanded and simultaneously tried to take Bella from me. But I wouldn't have any of it. I moved her to a more secure position, pulling her closer to my chest. She was safe right here in my arms, with me. I wasn't going to turn her overly to a highly emotional Rosalie!

"Edward god dammit!"

"You know her?"

"No, I'm just screaming her name and demanding to know what happened to her because I'm a sucker strangers- She's my friend asshole- we live with her for crying out loud! Now give her to me!"

"Rose listen to me very carefully" I growled now staring right into her eyes. I took a deep breath to control myself- I did not miss the headaches that came with her and Alice's screeching "First of all stop screaming, you're screaming is not and will not help her" I looked from her to Alice who had finally calmed down a bit now that Jasper was standing behind her with his arms wrapped warmly around her waist. I waited till Rosalie responded with a nod. "Second of all" I looked at the crowd that was surrounding us_ rubber-neckers._ I glared at each one of them so they knew I meant business "If you do not live with Bella, I highly suggest you back the hell off and get back to your seats immediately while you still have the ability to move" I heard the shuffling of feet all around me as I looked down at Bella. She fit so perfectly in my arms

**RPOV**

The crowd disappeared in a manner of seconds, the only ones left there were Alice, Jasper, Myself, Emmett and of course Edward because he was still holding Bella. The way he looked at her…I was still mad at him of course, for what had happened in the past, for him having the gall to place blame on me at the table before and for not handing Bella over to me. But, unfortunately, I was glad that he had been there when whatever had happened to Bella happened.

He lightly ran his fingers across her cheek, and his voice soften as he turned to us "She's going to be fine, best guess " his eyes went back down to Bella and took one of Bella's wrists in his hand to check her pulse "Best guess is that she's exhausted- extremely exhausted" He looked to Alice and I "Has she had anything to eat or drink today?"

Alice looked at me and sadly shrugged, _she's going to blame herself for this._ I searched the bar for the brownie I brought her but the plate was empty. I was about to say she ate it went I heard chewing. I turned around and of course right behind me was Emmett. Emmett. Emmett was now eating the giant brownie- his fingers and mouth were covered in the pink whipped cream. He always claimed to be an emotional eater. I glared at him and I actually think I heard him 'gulp' when he saw my face. I rolled my eyes upon hearing him attempt a 'sorry' through the chocolaty goodness that was sloshing around in his mouth

"Probably not as much as she should have" I sighed.

"She's...she's going to wake up right?" Alice asked the question I was too afraid to verbalize. I could tell she was also fighting back waves of tears but Jasper kissed the top of her head relaxing her fears some. I was glad she had someone

"Yes, without a doubt-yes. She passed out because her she wasn't resting so her body took over to force her to do so" _Oh thank god. I'm going to be the resting Nazi from now on! _"Right now to be safe, I think _we_ should take her to the hospit-"

"No!" Alice and I screamed, Edward glared at us for raising out voices

"No" I said again but quietly "She doesn't like…just no okay, no hospitals" I hands my hand along her hair. I didn't want to think about the last time I had seen her so still. God she looked exhausted…yet so peaceful in Edward's arms. _Why hadn't I been keeping a closer eye on her? Why did I let her go on those insanely long runs- by herself- in the dark?! Why didn't I demand that she ate dinner before we left?_

"_We_ really should just to be-"

"No Edward" I said firmly, this is something I would not budge on. I wasn't able to protect Bella from what happened here tonight so I wasn't going to damn well have her wake up in a hospital bed so she can have mental breakdown! I wasn't going to let her be in that pain

"Fine" In one smooth, careful motion he stood up with Bella still cradled in his arms. "_We_ should really be getting her home" _What with all this we business?? _He shifted a bit so her head rested comfortably on his chest. "Where's your car?"

"_We"_ I emphasized "walked" there was an awkward silence

"I'll call a taxi" I said as I reached for my phone, at the same time I spoke Emmett all to eagerly blurted "We can drive you!" _He's still cute when he's hopeful- stop it Rose!...He is smiling?!_

"I'm calling a taxi and then Alice and I can take her from there" I snapped, looking directly at Emmett to make sure he knew that I was still insanely furious with him.

"Really?" he challenged my response

"Yes really" _why does he look so smug?_

"You live in a building? Alice and I nodded _We're in the city and I said we walked here- of course we live in a building! What is he getting at?_ "Well then, how exactly to do two plan on getting her in the apartment? By dragging her?" _Shit_

"Jasper" Alice asked. I think she and I were on the same brainwave. We wanted nothing more to do with Emmett and Edward. "Can you bring us and Bella take back to our place?

"Well, they kind of drove" _Cullens+car Ugh!_

"This is ridiculous, can we please just get going already" said Edward "She really should be resting in a bed " He started to make his way out of Twilight and Alice and I ran after him with Emmett and Jasper right behind us.

"Alice and Rosalie get back here!" We reluctantly stopped dead in our tracks and the guys followed in suit _Not now_

"Lauren"Alice started. Idistinctly heard a small noise come from both Emmett and Edward and they turned their backs to us.

"Uhhhummwe'llmeetyououtsidegirls" Emmett said in a quick barely auditable voice and before I knew it he and Edward were out the door.

I freaked, and so did Alice. The second Bella was out of my sight, it was like I was having a panic attack. After everything that had happened with Bella- she needed me. I was supposed to be the one taking care of her- protecting her. And now she had been taken away from me, after what had happened tonight. No that was not happening. I knew Alice was feeling something along the same lines.

"I'm really sorry" Alice started "But Bella-"

"But nothing! It's our busiest night of the week, you can't leave! Especially since they're expecting some type of musical act-as-always-just-like-every-Friday-night!" The was a long pause, my emotions were rapidly switching from anger towards Lauren to pure pain and anxiety from being kept from Bella. The expression on Lauren's face soften "Listen…I get what you guy are trying to do for Bella" _We aren't trying we're doing! _"But she's a big girl, and if you two left tonight we'd be swamped and I'd have no choice but to fire you both-"

"Can one of us stay and the other go?" Alice asked with her eyes closed like she was trying to hide her emotions until she could trust her eyes not to expose her.

"I guess, but who ever stays is going to have to cover for the other tonight"

"Fine then" my friend turned to me "I'll hang back here and you go with the guys, just take care of her okay" I wasn't going to argue, I had to be with Bella. She was my responsibility.

Jasper said he was going to stay behind with Alice and I quickly kissed her on the cheek and sprinted out the front of Twilight to find Bella and scold the two that took her from me.

**Thoughts? Thoughts? What do you guys think so far? **


	6. Discoveries

RPOV

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile! So here's 16 pages as an apology!...no seriously

ALSO!! I just started a new story called "Rock Show" it's alot more fun and light. Bella and the girls go to a battle of the bands that all of her ex boyfriends will be performing at and she just decided to swear off musicians. Then we had Edward and the guys who are going to be competing in the battle and Edward has sworn off girls that he meets at gigs. So head on over and check it out!

**I don't own Twilight!**

Discoveries

**RPOV**

I burst out of Twilight….completely forgetting about the two inch step down and I fell hard "Shit" but I refused to let any of the pain register. I shot up as fast as I could, whipping my head from left to right, seeing no sign of Bell, Edward or Emmett.

_Where the hell are they?! _

Ever since the day of the accident, I hated not knowing where Bella was. On that day I had thought nothing of it when she hadn't gotten home when she said she would. I figured she and Jake got a little 'distracted' so I didn't want to call and interrupt anything. If I hadn't waited so long…

"BELLA!" No response, well except a few cat calls and stare from passersby. I took my phone out to call the guys when I remember I had deleted their numbers a LONG time ago.

"Emmett goddamit where are you?!" I screamed. I headed towards the end of the block, hopping the whole way because I was taking my shoes off for two very good reasons.

So I could run all over town looking for the two jackasses who kidnapped Bella

Once I found her I would jab a stiletto into an eye of each of her captors.

I made my way across the cross walk, my eyes searching for the three of them on the darken streets. My vision was abruptly blinded. Next thing I knew the front bumper was 4 inches from me. _WHAT THE-_

"Goddamit!!" I yelled as I slammed my shoes on the hood of the vehicle

"Whoa, whoa stop the violence" He said with half of his body out of the window

"Emmett?!" My eyes finally adjusted, and there here was grinning like an idiot. All the anger that I had felt for him when we were in Twilight filled me again. _I'm going to kill him._

"What did my brother tell you about yelling?" I would have punched him right there, but quickly snapped, remembering why we- I was there._ Bella_

"Where is she?" I didn't even attempt to hide the worry and fear in my voice. Emmett noticed the change in my demeanor, and the grin disappeared from his face. His body went back in to the jeep and I heard the sound of a window, on the passenger side being lowered, and ran to it.

There was Bella, still asleep in Edward's arms. I rather loud sigh, _She's here, she's fine_

It was heart breaking that she was able to so peaceful and so sad at the same time. I gently ran my hand along her cheek that was no longer wet with tears.

"I have her" Edward touched my hand. He had a tissue in his hand and his eyes on Bella "Sit up front"

I was about to open my mouth to protest but he best me to it

"She's safe back here with me, besides if I remember correctly you aren't capable of sitting in the back of a car." A small grin came across his face "Especially when Em drives"

Damn him. I could never-ever sit in the back seat of a car. I needed to either be driving or in shotgun. It sounds stupid, I know but I have to be upfront- it's where the action is. I very much like being in control of everything I do so having someone else drive me makes my skin crawl. At least in shotgun I could imagine I was the one makes all the decisions. And Emmett's driving? We're both adrenaline junkies (me not so much this year) so I'll just leave it at that.

Reluctantly I joined Emmett in the front

"Those weapons you call shoes, better not have left any marks on my baby"

"Where the hell were you?" I ignored his comment and demanded as much as a person could when whispering. I sat sides ways so I could keep an eye on my best friend but still manage to keep an eye on my ex and his driving. This position also made it possible to see the looks Edward and Emmett had just exchanged . Something was up. "What?"

"Uhh…we…just" A stuttering Emmett, meant a guilty Emmett. He look to his brother for answer but Edward's eyes were back on Bella "We told you we went to get the car"

"Huh" letting him know I knew something was up

Edward "People were we staring and whispering so I wanted to get her out of there sooner rather than later"

**EPOV**

It wasn't a lie per say. Those people had no right to gawk and gossip about Bella, I wanted to protect her from all that…But neither Emmett nor myself wanted to tell Rose that she was working for the _thing_ that was responsible for ending their relationship and starting a war between the girls and us.

**RPOV**

"Oh….well you should have waited for me. If you do that again so help me-"

"Again?" Emmett said, trying to contain a smile "You plan on seeing us again?" …Yes-no…may-" Bella stirred in the back- interrupting my thoughts before the got anymore dangerous.

We all froze while Bella made a few low noises and rubbed her head up and down Edward's shoulder a few times. _Shit she will freak if she wakes up right now!!_

**EPOV**

Greatest sensation I have ever felt. It wasn't anything sexual, not at all. But feeling her move against me like that…god! It just felt so normal, so natural. She fit so perfectly against me._ I wouldn't mind if my whole existence revolved around being here for this girl who I've only known for only about- what- 8 minutes?? God Edward snap out of it! She's just a beautiful girl laying in your arms- get over it!_

Bella's breathing changed and she let out a low painful sigh/moan and began fidgeting more and her brow furrowed. She looked distressed "Shhhh" I said barely above a whispering while very very slowly rocked her back and forth till her face and body relaxed. Once she did I gently kissed the top of her head, trying to wish away whatever was troubling Bella in her sleep.

Rose cleared her throat and I look to see both her and Emmett looking at me. Emmett looking more at Bella with a sorrowful expression on his face, while Rose…well Rose narrowed her eyes as she stared at me as if to say "What was that about Cullen?". I looked back at her innocently, having no answer to her silent question. _Seriously though, why did I do that?_

**RPOV**

I pointed my finger in Emmett's face, and in the most threatening whisper I could manage, said "Drive, and I swear to God if you speed not only will you not being able to have children, but Carlisle won't even recognize you. And you" Now speaking to Edward "Keep your hands where I can see them or consider the same consequences"

I've known Edward all my life, I knew he wouldn't molest Bella or anything. He was a good guy, but that's my Bella he's holding- oh and I saw that kiss he laid on her head. It was innocent enough, but still. If he did it again, the second Bella was safely in her head- he was going to end up with a broken limb.

"Rose, I would love to drive" He stressed 'drive' knowing full well how much it annoyed me that I wasn't the one behind the wheel. _Look who found his balls _"But in order for that to happen I need to know where you two live"

"Third and Meyer"

"Third and Meyer??" they both asked

"Yes" I said plainly. I was used to that reaction by now

"That's on the other side of town" Edward asked

"And?"

**EPOV**

_Is she serious? That's atleast an hours walk. _Rose seemed extremely protective of Bella, I didn't understand why she would allow her friend to walk

"Don't you have a car?"

"Yes, but we'd rather walk. Okay?"

"But I don't get-"

"Just drop it lil bro" Emmett didn't look away from me till I agreed.

My eyes returned to Bella but still managed to see Rose and Emmett exchange glances. I swear I saw Rosalie mouth something like looked like a "thank you" after which Em gave her a small nod.

We drove in complete silence for awhile. I guess it should have felt weird that we were riding around with Rose who we hadn't seen in years and the way we left things…not good. But for some reason it felt oddly normal, like we were back in high school and coming back from a long exhausting night of fun in Port Angeles.

After about 15 minutes we ran into traffic- major traffic. Emmett insisted that he could maneuver through the lanes to side roads which would be cleared, but Rosalie and I repeatedly shot him down saying that his movements would surely wake Bella. So there we sat in bumper to bumper traffic. This of course was very unfortunate and fortunate. As much I as I wanted Bella to be sleeping soundlessly in her own bed, I couldn't help but be grateful for the extra time I had with her.

I took this time to think about what I did and didn't know about Bella.

I knew she was friends Alice and Rose, which said a lot about her. Being that close with them meant that Bella was smart, unique, witty, had a good sense of humor, and caring. Hell the fact that she lived with them meant she could hold her own against two people with strong personalities and that she had an infinite amount of patience. The fact that the girls cared about her so much only reinforced my thoughts. Alice and Rosalie wouldn't friend, let alone love someone so much, if that person wasn't deserving of their love.

I knew Bella had an amazing voice and played guitar beautifully, so music definitely could be something we had in common. My mother taught me how to play piano and after she passed when I was 10 my study of the instrument only intensified and I took up guitar for another challenge…another distraction.

From what I had seen that night and the way Alice and Rose worried for Bella, I knew that she was terribly sad. Something I had also experienced, but I had no clue as to what had broken her down. By the loose fit of her jeans, I knew that she wasn't always this thin and so whatever happened, occurred not too long ago. _What happened that broken her down?_

That was one of a billion things I didn't know about her. How old was she? Where was she from? What was her favorite book, movie, color, band? Where did she go to school? What was her family like? Given fact that she was unconscious at that moment, I couldn't get any answers from her…but I could get some from Rose.

"Rose" I whispered. After being in traffic for 20 minutes rose have finally turned around in her seat before motion sickness got the best of her. A half an hour ha passed since then and no one had made a sound so I wasn't sure if she was awake or not. "Rose"

"Mhmm?" She half mumble. _She's definitely half asleep_

"Where did you meet Bella?" I was going to ask her the most logical questions based on the fact that I was holding a girl who passed out in front of me. This way I didn't sound like a complete creeper for asking in depth questions about a girl I had just met.

"Forks" she yawned. _Wait what? Forks?! I had lived there my entire life, how is it possible that I had never met this girl? I would have remembered her._

"She moved there right after you two and Carlisle left." _Definitely half asleep, otherwise she never would have spoken of our departure so nonchalantly." _

"Why??" It was the only question I could think of. Don't get me wrong I loved Forks. My parents grew up there and so did their parents- but who in this day in age, who in there right mind who move to Forks?

"Mom remarried she came to live with her dad" she yawned again.

"Her dad?"

"Shhh. Dude let her sleep" Em whispered

With that I shut up. Odds were I'd only end up aggravating Rose, (danger Will Robinson DANGER) and I was getting tired as well. It was a long week of work, and truth be told I didn't even want to come out to tonight. I was glad on so many levels that I did.

"You know we're closer to our place than their's right?" Em said quietly

"Don't even think about it, Rose will kill you" I said having successfully held back a yawn.

"I know I was just saying" He said innocently.

I suppressed another yawn, thinking it wouldn't be fair to fall asleep and leave my brother the only one awake. From her silence I could tell that Rose had already broken shotgun road trip rules by sleeping.

"Edward you can fall asleep you know"

"I'm not" _Here comes another yawn…_

"Tired?" He let out a low chuckle "I'm a big boy, I think I can held it. Besides thanks to 6 cans of Red Bull and a full bladder I'm wide awake."

"You're sure? Can you even see out of that eye" I said trying not to laugh. I had realized that he had a nice shiner, from Rose no doubt. _Man I wish I had seen that._

" Ha ha, just close your eyes already" He said rolling his eyes

I did as I was told, but not before positioning myself to ensure that there was no shot of Bella falling off me. After taking one last look at her, I wrapped my arms around her so my right hand locked on to my left wrist and rest my head on the window and fell asleep.

A light breeze blew across my face "Ow"… It's always wonderful to wake up to the sound of your brother being hit by a girl.

"You were asleep, I was trying to- ow!"

"Feel me up?!" I was too tried to open my eyes but, visualizing them two fighting was hilarious. Two people making giant gestures with their hands and arms but somehow managing to keep their argument at a whisper.

"I didn't want to wake you so I was going to carry you up stairs- Jesus Christ, that what I get for being a gentleman"

"You were going to have to wake me up eventually to find out what building and what apartment I lived in!" she hissed

"Actually, no I wouldn't have. Your phone started vibrating before so I answered it"

"My phone? My phone that was in my _skirt_??" _It was nice knowing you Emmett, you were a good brother but foolish foolish man_

"Ew no what do you take me for?" _ohh I don't go there bro._"it was already hanging out of your pocket, so the vibrations made it fall on to the floor"

"Bullshit"

"It was Alice, wondering why she beat us here" _Damn how long was I asleep that Alice had already got off work?_ "So I explained everything to her and she told me where you lived"

Rose was about to say something but my brother interrupted her "That's it-" I hear passenger door close

**RPOV**

He took me by my elbow and led us away from the car. _Who the fuck does he think he is?!_

"Get your hands off of me Cullen!" He finally released me and we glared at each other

"Listen" He took a deep breath to try and compose himself.

I knew what would come next- he pinched the bridge of his nose with his left thumb and index finger. It was something he and Edward did; they both got it from their mom. I remember her doing that when she would come home to find the house in shambles because Emmett would turn of the furniture to create obstacle courses for us to roller skate through.

"What happened back in High School-"

"No, no we are not talking about this!" I went to move away from him, not wanting to revisit those painful memories, but he blocked my way.

"Yes we are! I understand that I hurt you, and for that I'm terribly sorry"

"I'm not having this conversation Emmett!"

"God you are so stubborn!! Did you ever once stop to think ask me my side of the story before you and Alice unleashed hell on Edward and I?"

"YOUR SIDE OF THE STORY?" I fought to keep my composure. I had already hit Emmett once tonight- and I wanted to do it again!...And I want to break down and cry. I hate myself for letting him have so much control over my emotions after all these years.

It was coming up on the end of my junior year and Emmett's senior. We fought constantly but loved each other fiercely- it was our thing and everyone knew it. We had been going out since the 7th grade after all so everyone was used to it. But as the year was coming to a close we fought more and more over the most mundane things, mainly because I was so scared of him going off to college. I was afraid of him never calling or visiting me, of him losing interest in me- you know the whole out of sight out of mind thing. He constantly assured me that nothing would happen, that I was his and nothing would change that. Emmett was the only person who knew about my insecurities, everyone else just thought I saw myself as nothing less than perfect. But when it came to Emmett moving away, being around older more "experienced" girls, I could help but doubt myself.

So I fought with him, and one particular week the fighting was insane. Emmett was starting to study for his finals, and started applying for jobs near his campus, while I still had classes for another 3 and a half weeks. I was furious that he wasn't spending more time with me, and he was stressed from the work he was doing and I knew- I knew something else was up but he kept blowing it off, saying that he was perfectly fine- that nothing was going on. Did he forget that I had known him forever, that I could tell when he was lying? The fact that he was keeping something from me was so infuriating!!

It was a Friday night and Emmett and I had a huge blow out the night before, him saying he was doing everything he could to spend time with me while I screamed at him for never being around. We were supposed to be meeting up at Jessica Stanley's house party but never finished making plans like who was driving or when to meet. I remember hearing him slam the phone down, right after which I threw mine against the wall. I deliberated on whether or not to go, and ended up heading over with Alice about 4 hours after it had started.

I was still furious with Emmett, but I was so desperately wanted to see him. I realized that I only had him for awhile longer before he went off to school. He was going to take some summer classes so he could end up taking fewer classes during the year so he could come visit me more often. I wanted to apologize, and just spend as much time with him as I could

We could hear the music blasting from a block away and when I was in the house, everyone was either, dancing or drinking or was about to pass out. Alice and I asked around to see if anyone had seen Emmett but no one had. Finally my eyes fell upon a boy with bronze hair sprawled out on the couch- Edward.

Edward never drank, infact none of us- Me, Alice, Emmett and Edward never drank. We agreed many times that it was stupid and if you had to get drunk to have fun- then your life must be pretty lame.

"Edward" I shook him but he shook me off. Alice leaned into him and he face was filled with disgust

"Ugh! He reeks of beer!"

"What the hell is wrong with him?- Edward!" Still nothing. Alice slapped him across the face and at the same time we both screamed his name. At that point he sat up so quickly that he fell off the damn couch.

"Uhhh uncool ladies" He tried to get up but fell back down on the couch

"Edward you're drunk!" Alice screeched

"Thanks" He said with lifeless eyes, as he grabbed a beer off the floor and took a big gulp of it "That's what I hoping to achieve" He let out a low sad chuckle and mumbled something to himself. He went to take another drink before I grabbed the bottle from him

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" I yelled. He knew better than this, the Edward I knew wasn't this stupid. He simply rolled his eyes before closing them

"God dammit Edward, what's wrong? Talk to us" Alice pleaded.

" '_**God dammit Edward, what's wrong? Talk to us!!**__' _"he mocked Alice as his threw his hands around dramatically Edward. "My God fuck off, the both of you! You never give me one moment of silence! _**'Edward let's go here' 'Edward what's wrong' 'Let's go to the mall' 'Edward, Edward, Edward!!**_ ' A person can only take so much whining and bitching! Get a life!"

Alice scrunched up her face trying to hold back her pain but by simply looking at her face you could tell how hurt she was. Tear slowly creep out of her eyes. We had all basically grown up together, been friends since before I could remember- and he does this? After all we had done for each other- he decides to go and be an asshole. I was just as hurt as Alice, but anger quickly took over my pain and I slapped him HARD across the face

"Bitch!"

I was about punch him was I heard Emmett's voice boom from the kitchen "HEY THERE YOU ARE!"

I grabbed Alice's hand and went running toward his voice

We turned the corner "Emmett I'm going to kill your brot-"Alice gasped, I stopped dead in my tracks and my mouth fell open. There was Emmett, dipping some blonde girl with straight long hair, whose face I couldn't see- he was kissing her endlessly. My heart fell to feet,- that's why he had been acting to weird. That's why I hadn't been seeing him, he was with another girl. Everything I was afraid of happening when he left had already started. Emmett finally took his lips off the girl and spun her so hard that she was flying out of the room.

"Whoops!" he burst out laughing "Babes you okay?"

I tried to keep a sob from escaping my lips, but my breathing became ragged and tears streamed down my face. Alice tried to get my attention but I couldn't take my eyes off the guy I loved, the guy who claimed to love me. The person who I had given and shared everything with...

Emmett must have heard my sob escape, turned around and saw me. He eyes met mine and darted between me and the direction in which the hussy had just been making out with, went. His eyes became HUGE as he realized what I just witnessed. I caught him in the act. I knew his little secret.

"Rose, baby it is NOT hat it looks like" He slurred and stammered a few steps towards me and he tried to take my face in his hands but I flinched and jumped back.

"Don't you dare touch me!"

"Rose I just-"

"I can't believe you! You, you **SON OF A BITCH**!!" Emmett's face contorted and I was about to go off on him or just collapse right there on the floor but Alice somehow managed to drag me out of the house.

The days that followed where filled with screaming matches and other battles. One person's tires would get slashed and the other side would retaliate, rumors flew all around the school, photo shopped pictures of me naked were strewn across the school. I even went as far to make out with Mike Newton in front of Emmett. We were almost arrested AND thrown out of school because of everything that went down. Things got so bad that when Emmett's graduation came and him, Edward and their father moved away. Edward didn't even finish the school year.

So there I was, standing in front of the the guy who had broken my heart all those years ago, and he had the balls to ask me if I ever thought about his side of the story?!

"Please, please would you just hear me out" He said closing his eyes tightly. He did that whenever he was about to say something that was hard for him. It was a rare sight and painful sight, so stopped trying to get away. "You remember how tightly wound I was back then? I was cramming for all my finals, was freaking out about college, and-"

"Yes, and I also remember you kis-"

"I'll get to that I swear…Rose what month did this all go down during?"

"You were just about to graduate" I knew the exact date but wasn't going to tell him that "So it was towards the end of May" His eyes which had been looking at mine suddenly shot over to the side, and it annoyed the hell out of me! "Emmett I don't get what does-"

_Oh my God. _Something clicked in my brain. _He had been acting so strange then-distant, angry, sad…scared? I thought it was all because of him going off to college. God how could I have been so stupid! The night of the party… it was the anniversary of the death of his mother. _

Everyone thought Elizabeth was going to pull through…when she died, all the Cullen's took it differently. Carlisle was a wreck, but he tried to tend to his sons as much as he could. He simultaneously tried to bury himself in research to figure out where he had gone wrong in treating his wife. Edward would sit as his piano constantly, challenging himself to memorize and perfect complicated pieces and would scold himself mercilessly if he messed up. Emmett focused all his feelings on sports so he could work off or bury his feelings. He became the most athletic and fit 11year old in history. Alice and I tried to comfort them, but being so young there was only so much we could understand and do. So made sure we were there for them, and looked out for them.

I think the turning point for all of them was when Alice and I, at the tender age of 10, tried to make dinner for the Cullen's. The boys walked when the heard us screaming, we had set nearly half the kitchen on fire- how I don't know but to this day I still blame Alice. Emmett rain out and got the hose to drown the fire and flooded the room in the process. Carlisle came bounding in to see what happened but slipped on the wet floor and ended up taking us all out. We all burst out laughing, it was the first time they had done so in a month.

"Emmett I'm sorry I can't believe Alice and I forgot" in my most sincere voice

"It's okay, there was a lot going for all of us.I was drowning in school work, trying to pass my finals, I was freaked about college because I was going to be away from Edward and dad…and you. I wasn't used to being on my own, always had people there for me. And the thought of leaving you behind to be hounded on by every person with XY chromosomes in Forks was driving me crazy! …but I was a big boy I should have just…I know dealt with it" He still wouldn't look at me "Then came the day of the party, it was the same day as…mom"

"I had gone in to my dad's study to talk to him but he wasn't there- Edward was, man he looked horrible. He was sitting at my dad's desk surrounded by papers with his head in his hands. I asked him what wrong and that's when he told me"

He looked like he was struggling to find the words or like he was trying to stop himself from saying them. He looked back towards the car "I think Edward might be awake, we should really be getting Bella-"He tried to walk away but this time it was me who blocked him

"Emmett, what did Edward find?" placing my hand on his chest to keeping him from moving, he let out an exhausted sigh

"Edward for some reason, decided to go through our dad's research he had done on mom and he ended up finding our that he was keeping something from us…turns out what my mom had might be genetic, that she could have passed it on to us."

I shook my head quickly, trying to register what he had said. Genetic, meaning he and Edward could have it too…they could die.

Emmett roughly rubbed his hands over his face many times "We were furious that he had kept this from us. How do you do that to your kids?! How do you not let them know that they might be dying? You don't keep shit like that to yourself!...And I was so…scared. I was petrified. I was worried what would happen if I got sick- what would happen to you guys. My mind couldn't even process the thought of Edward getting sick and dying, I don't know how I would survive that.

"I just remember cursing and thinking that life was so unfair. You know why me and all that crap. Neither Edward nor I said how we felt obviously, but I know we both just wanted to be normal teenagers, you know live normal lives and not have this impending doom hanging over us.

"Emmett…I-I" _What do you say to all of this? _

Em scratched the back of his head "Edward and I decided to do what any normal trouble young person would do. We went to Jessica's party and got thrashed. Neither of us had drank before so we just kept throwing them back, hoping to forget about everything even if it was just for the night. From what I heard Edward was a mean drunk

_Explains why he was being an asswhole…_

Looking back at me now "But Rose, you have to know that what he said, he didn't mean. You know Edward, you know he didn't mean any of it. It was a mistake- _everything _that happened the night was a mistake" I unconsciously flinched at the memory of seeing him with that girl. He took my hand into his

"I really, really need you to understand something right now" He made sure my eyes made contact with his "The only reason, I kissed that girl- THE ONLY REASON, is because I was so drunk that I thought she was you. I had only seen her from behind, so all I saw was long blonde hair, just like yours, long legs on a girl that was wearing a tiny outfit" He let out a small chuckle but quickly pushed all humor side "All I wanted to do was be with you and after everything that had happened, after everything I had learned and after all those beers I drank- I could help myself by grabbing hold of you- well her hoping that it would all go away."

By then the tears started streaming down my cheeks but I tried to keep my face composed for Emmett's sake because he was barely hanging on. After his mother passed I learned that he depended on me to be the strong one when it came to emotions. He took my face into his giant hands and brushed my tears away with his thumbs

"I need you to understand that I was-not-cheating-on-you. You can hate me all you want but just know that I never meant to hurt you. Edward and I both never meant to hurt you girls."

I stared into his eyes, wanting to hold him and never let go. I tried to take in everything he had told me. He wasn't cheating on me, he was acting out because of his mom anniversary which both Alice and I had forgotten about, he and Edward could or maybe even were sick right now, and he hadn't been cheating me. He said they had never meant to hurt us….then what about everything that had happened afterward? Why did they continue the stupid battle that raged on? Why did he slash my tires? Egg our houses? Plaster those pictures of us in the halls? I felt guilty as hell for everything that had happened that led up to that, I was so selfish and stupid. But make no mistake, I was still thoroughly angry and hurt for everything that went down after it.

I took both of his hands that were still on my face, and bought them back down to his side. He coughed and sniffed, obviously trying to keep his emotions in check.

"So are…are you and Edward okay?"

"Things were horrendous after we left. When we moved to-"

"That's not what I meant. Are you guys okay? Are you-"

"Sick? No we're both stay really active, try not to eat too much"

"Good"

"As of right now we're both extremely healthy, handsome and single men" He said with a weak smile.

"What do you mean as of right now?"

"Carlisle does some tests every now and then. Our mom had never shown as signs of her disease till later in life so it could be the same case with us-but no worries, dad said it's just a precaution. He doesn't think she passed it to us." I let out my breath that I didn't realize I had been holding since I asked my question.

"So how have you been Ms Hale?" he said grinning

"Oh no you don't! I still have plenty to be mad about Mister Cullen. Come on I want to get Bella home"

Turned away from him and we made our way back to the car.

**EPOV**

I could no longer hear Emmett and Rosalie scold each other, I wouldn't have been surprised if they had killed each other and the one living was currently trying to hide the body. The silence let me drift back to sleep. Not much later I was woken by the sound of my door being opened and the warm night air blowing across my face.

"Alright mister, time to hand over Sleeping Beauty" my brother said gently

"No, I'll take her up" I tried to shake off my sleep and looked down to see Bella still had her eyes closed and was secure in my arms. I could have slept all night with her like that, but she really should have been dreaming in her bed.

"Edward" my brother said "You are way to tired to walk and carrying her, you'd probably end up tripping or dropping her" _Never _

I tried to slow get up, as to not disturb the beautiful exhausted girl in my arms, but my arms and legs only responded back with pins and needles instead of movement. _Dammit_

Emmett chuckled "And I'm willing to bet good money that you arms are asleep?" _At least that means that I managed to keep a good hold on Bella in my sleep_.

Reluctantly, after much discussion with Emmett and Rose (saying if we waited for my body to wake up I could easily bring her up which they thought was ridiculous) and with great discomfort, I managed to un-clasp my hand from my wrist so Emmett could pick Bella up from me, but not before I said a silent goodnight to her. I prayed that this wasn't the last time I saw her. _I will see you at Twilight_

Em effortlessly scooped her up bridal style. A little too easily that Rose and I both warned him to watch her head. Rose closed my door, but not before looking to me. She was definitely conflicted, not knowing what to say to me. _Had she been crying? _

Like I said, this ride in the car very much reminded me of our youth, so I said something short and simple that I knew would wake her smile.

"Goodnight Milady" I said in an English accent while smiling and bowing my head. And there was the smile I remember, granted it was an exhausted and much smaller version of it but nonetheless it made her smile.

"Good night good Sir" She said while closing my door.

**So? What did you think? Let me know what you like or didn't like or if you have any ideas for me!**

**Reviews would be lovely, they would definitely make the next chapter come faster. In the next one Bella will be waking up! But how much will the girls tell her? Will Emmett tell Edward about Bella's past?**


	7. Running

**I know I know I'm a horrible person for making you wait this long for an update but here's about 13 pages worth of story! I apologize for any grammatical errors and such. I was happy that I finally got this chapter the way I wanted it that I wanted to post right away. **

**I don't own anything! Damn you Smeyer!**

* * *

Running

**BPOV**

I didn't want to open my eyes…hell I never wanted to.

I was hot and sweating; my head was pounding.

_Don't open your eyes_

I felt two separate pairs of arms draped over my torso, two separate breaths on each side of my face. This was not good

_Don't open your eyes_

If I opened my eyes that meant everything really had happened.

I was supposed to sing at Twilight, to show Rose and Alice that I would be okay; I could function by myself. My friends needed move on with their lives and not fret over me. I was holding them back.

But I screwed it all up.

I tried my best not to cry, but the tears came. I tried not to let them no how much pain I was in but my voice cracked.

Over the past weeks I had started seeing glimmers of my friends starting to be social, and the song was supposed to reassure them, to help them to keep moving- but instead we were back at square one

I tried to force myself to go back to sleep, but I knew sleep would mean pain. Waking up and facing another day would mean a different kind of pain. Over months the pain had subsided, and when I actually noticed that and guilt overwhelmed me and the pain would come flooding back

_Eyes shut Bella_

Instead sleeping or actually moving to face the day ahead of me, I took the time to try and piece some things together.

There was an obvious time gap between me singing and me winding up on the bed. In other words the big question was, what happened?

I racked my brain to try to remember what had happened. I remember having I started having a nightmare but something, someone- a voice made it disappear before anything could happen. I remember a smell, but nothing about. I couldn't recall and details of it, like what it actually smelled like- but I could remember it was distinct, and comforting. The same went for the different pairs of arms and hands I felt against me.

That's all. Nothing else

_Run through what you know. _

_I was at Twilight, saw Rose and Alice talking to some guys, then it all goes blank after I start singing._

_What else? _

_There is nothing else, that's all…_

_What else? _

_Ugh…Tears fell, my voice cracked; I remember hearing some of the customers talking about me_

_What else _

_NOTHING!_

_Yes there is…right now what do you know about right now_

_Alice and Rose are sleeping on either side of me, my head throbbing even more now_

_Keep going. What else about Rose and Alice_

_The three of us hadn't slept like this since_… My heart raced, my breathing became erratic

_Oh god last night_

I was singing and_…he was there_

_It wasn't him _

_But I saw-_

_You saw someone_

_But it was just like that vision or dream - whatever you want to call it- that I had of him!_

_Do you realize what you are saying?_

_But…but- It…he watched me- followed me!_

_JAKE IS DEAD AND HE'S NOT COMING BACK!!_

I shot up from the bed, ripping my eyes open that had streaming down them. The arms that were draped across my torso had been thrown back to their owners; owners that immediately woke

Alice was basically sitting on my lap, I think cradling my face in her hands. Her face was a mere three inches from mine. Her lips moved but I didn't here anything; something about trying to breathe with her. Rosalie came out of no where with what looked like a wet cloth and I put it somewhere behind me- the back of my neck I think.

I could see, see the petrified and concern looks on my friends' faces, but I could speak. And the only things I could hear and feel were my quick, painful shallow breaths and my heart that was thumping against my skin trying to escape.

Harsh, cruel truths have this effect on me

I deserved every once of pain I got, I reminded myself that everyday without fail. No matter what anyone says (one happens to thoroughly agree with me) It _was_ my fault.

I've tried to escape the pain; to make it all end…as you can tell it didn't go as planned. Unfortunately I'm still alive on account of these two people…and one other.

Eventually my breathing normalized and my mind finally allowed me to hear and communicate.

"There you go" Alice was looking straight in to my eyes, looking petrified I might add, while syncing up her breathing to mine; probably to make sure that I wasn't in danger of passing out. Slowly she made her way off my legs.

I felt behind my neck and took the cold washcloth from Rose's hand and place it beside me on the bed. She came around to sit in front of me, next to Alice. I was finally able to see my friend, who used to be the hardest person in the world to shake, looking like she was about to break down.

I hate that I had this affect on them.

"I'm fine" I said softly looking between the both of them- both of whom looked very unconvinced. Alice was about to say something but I quickly interrupted her "I need something to drink"

I couldn't deal with this right now- correction: I _didn't _want to deal with it

I got up from the bed slowly, not trusting that I wouldn't get a head rush. Head rush no- but I became very aware of the fact that my head was throbbing beyond belief.

I swiftly made my way towards the kitchen, all the while hearing the padding of my friends' feet behind me and their hushed whispers.

While pouring myself a glass of orange juice and taking 2 Tylenol from a bottle on the counter, I made a point of not turning around to face Alice and Rosalie. I was going to get as much silence as I could before they confessed their concerns for me. I loved them for worrying about me, but everything was too much. I didn't want people fussing over me. I sure as hell didn't deserve any of it

_Relax act normal…okay act as normal as you can_

The idea being if I acted like nothing happened last night, then they would think I was okay and not retreat back to their old BELLA WATCH techniques. I knew I set my plan back with whatever happened last night, but how far back depended on how I dealt with everything today.

_Just give them a little nod, and walk to the bathroom and take a long shower._

A good plan. A good way to avoid the probing eyes of my roommates. Good because it would give me time to come up with what I could say to them.

The plan went out the window when I hear the squeaking of chairs being dragged behind me.

_Dammit_

I place my hand on the counter, putting on my weight on them and took a deep breathe.

_No crying. No tears._

I slowly turned to face them to see they were exactly where I thought they'd be. Alice and Rosalie had indeed taken two chairs and sat them right at the beginning of the kitchen. It created a barrier of sorts; that way I had no other choice but to talk to them.

Alice pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. Rose sat on the very edge of her seat, her elbows resting on her thighs. The oddest and worst thing was the look on their faces. They weren't angry or worried- expressions I had seen many many times. They looked hurt, in pain.

I closed my eyes and a fresh wave of guilt and anger washed over me. Up until that moment I didn't think it was possible to hate myself anymore. I was proven to be very wrong

"Bella" Rose's soft voice called me. I slowly opened my eyes to look see my friends looking destroyed- again. I tried to subtly avoid looking them in the eyes while attempting to portray the essence of calm cool and collected.

"Bella…are you okay?"

"I told you I'm fine" I tried to sound as natural and convincing as I could muster

"Nightmare?" This came from Alice, who now rested her chin on her knees

"How did I get home from Twilight?"

They exchanged quick glances, each looking baffled. Alice shrugged her shoulders and went to say something but Rose beat her to it

"Bella about last night-"

"Did I sound okay?" G_ood act like it was nothing. _

Over the past few weeks I had been learning to call upon some of the old Bella's characteristics for my friends' sake. Again the idea being if they saw more of their Bella they'd start moving on- start living. Insecurity and low self esteem seemed very Bella-ish. Of course I was still both of those things but for completely different reasons now.

"Sweetie you played great" Alice said with the hint of a smile

"If you ever need me to fill in again, just let me know" _Wait what?_

"You're sure?" She looked at me as if I was completely off my rocker

"Yeah, but just give me a little more advanced notice next time" I tried to muster up a small laugh or smile- it was more of a slight cough than anything else

"Bella-" I tried to shift Rose's focus again

"Twilight is still as popular as ever huh?"

"Yes" Rosalie sighed heavily

"Where was Angela? I didn't see her"

"She only works Monday through Thursday" Alice answered

"Huh…Who were those guys I saw you talking to?"

"Damn it Bella stop it!" she yelled out of desperation rather than anger. I cringed and Alice looked shocked to hell

Rosalie had never raised her voice to me. Ever. I know the reason she just did was because she loved me and I had been trying to avoid her concerns…but it still shook me to the core.

The last person I could remember her raising her voice too, actually yelling, at was Billy…tears started to build up in my eyes. _Don't do it. _My eyes shot down to the floor

"Please…please stop acting like everything is okay" she said apologetically. She sighed deeply and stood up from her chair

"Rose-"

She ignored Alice and took another step towards me. I tried very very hard to control my own breathing- to not cry or breakdown because it would in no way help my cause.

"I'm sorry" I said weakly

"No I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you Bells I'm not mad at you and last night was…well eventful to say the least. We want to help you and we can't do that if you keep avoiding-"

"Rose and I just want you to talk to us…please"

I could hear Alice was close to tears. I hated that. I screwed everything up

"Bells we're just worried about-"

"That's the problem!" I threw up my hands up frustration and began to pace back and forth in the tiny space the kitchen provided "You're ALWAYS worrying about me! Like I'm a five year old who's going to spontaneously combust or something!"

Alice got up and tried to grab my arms but I shook her off and finally looked up in to the eyes of my best friends

"No listen to me!...Rose is right I need to stop acting like everything is fine because I never will be!... And you both need to accept that….Please" my voice cracked and my stupid tears started running down my worthless face as I now pleaded with them "Please, please stop letting me hold you back" _I'm not worth it _"Go out, have fun LIVE- instead of baby sitting me here!" _Just give up on me _"You both keep waiting for your Bella to show up one day and I'm sorry…I'm so sorry that I can't be her. I tried really did but I can't… But I can take care of myself." _If you leave then I finally can…_

"Bella-"

"God dammit! No Rose listen me…" I quickly whipped my treacherous tears away but took my time looking both she and Alice in their water filled eyes. I had to make sure that they were seeing the determination in my own "I've ruined lives and destroyed enough futures already...I won't…I can't handle being responsible for yours as well."

There was silence for…god I don't even no how long. Rose and Alice had these looks on their faces that I can't even explain. I was blown away by my boldness that it scared the living hell out of me especially when neither of my friends spoke.

I manage to maneuver around my frozen friends, without any protests for them, and made a mad dash to the bathroom. My heart was beating a mile a minute and not matter how I tried to control my breathing I could not calm down. Between everything that happened last night, my little freak out when I woke up, the fact that what I just did…that was the most emotion I had shown in a long time, and those had been the most truthful things I had said in months.

Two things could happen now, they ignore everything I had said and go back to treating me like a porcelain doll or they'd completely ignore me...would that be so bad? I wanted to be alone…actually I didn't want to _be_ so if they gave up on me then they I wouldn't be as hurt if- if I went away.

The sudden thought of not having my friends sent my mind into overdrive and I went reeling into a panic attack. I gripped the counter, squeezing it with all my might, hoping it would help to control myself but it did nothing. Breathing was almost impossible and the fact that I was sobbing hysterically made it worse.

I didn't hear the bathroom door open, impossible because of my cries, but I felt arms embrace me and quickly lead me over to the shower that was now running.

I felt the cold water coming down on my skin, Alice's small hands pushing my hair back away from my face and Rosalie's arms around me. After a few minutes my breathing slowed as well as my tears, thanks to their intervention. _They haven't left so is this all based on pity? Was my speec-, everything that I had been doing these last weeks- was it all for nothing? Are we back at square one?_

The water eventually turned off. Exhausted I sank down to the floor of the shower; Rosalie followed and managed to cradle me against her. I tried to fight back any remaining sobs

_No it's not supposed to be like this! _With that thought I buried my face against her shoulder, damning myself for being to weak and-

"Stupid" Alice said to me as ran her hand over my cheek, I opened my eyes to look at her. I definitely never expected to hear my friend say that to me right now. And I was no prepared as to how much an insult from her would hurt

"Agreed" Rose kissed to top of my head. She must have taken in my pained and bewildered expression. "Alice was saying for such a bright girl you can be so stupid"

My friend joined us on the floor; sitting on the other side of Rose whose shoulder she rested her head on. She her eyes staid on me.

"Bella no matter what has happened or what will happen" Rose lifted my chin so I looked into her eyes "We will never- never ever stop loving you, or worrying about you"

"It's physically and mentally in impossible. We're a family Bella and families stick together" Alice chimed in

"But-"

"Bella…if things were different and Alice or I was in your shoes what would you be doing?"

…_I'd be doing everything and everything_

Rose must have read my mind because she did nothing but pull me closer to her and laid her cheek on the top of my head

"Bella" Alice snuggled closer into Rosalie, she was probably freezing like I was "Bells-"

"Oh god! Alice you're already sick and now you're shivering and soaking wet!"

"No I'm fine I'm fine" She bit her bottom lip and she looked so upset

"Alice was never sick…" Rose confessed

Alice confessed her to me her plan to get me up and about. I could tell she felt extremely guilty about having me perform, given the way that the evening turned out. I of course told her that my fainting, the informed me of my passing out, was not her fault. I told them what I thought I'd seen; carefully avoiding his name. I managed not to cry too much when I spoke. After I was done they exchanged curious looks with each other. When I asked them what they saw, Rose explained that they heard Tyler called for them and he actually drove us home.

"I guess my plan kinda backfired"

"No Alice, I actually misse-… it was good to play again. Not necessarily in front of a crowd" Alice chuckled "But good" I wonder if she had realized that I had been playing her guitar every now and then when I had those rare times I was alone in the apartment. I never played an actual song, I would just strum a few random notes trying to settle myself down. Random was good… calming.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked both of them. From the looks of things, my plan wasn't completely throttled. I took their silence as a 'yes'. "If there ever comes a time where you have the opportunity to do something…anything- don't let the thought of 'What about Bella' hold you back"

About a week and a half after my little incident, things had changed a little bit. Alice told me that she did in fact have a boyfriend whose name is Jasper and from the way she tried not to gush over him I can tell she is head over heels for him. Unfortunately I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous knowing that I had once felt the same way…Nor could I help crying myself to sleep the first night I knew Alice was on a date with him. But the fact was that Alice was happy. Alice was living her life, not as much as I like her to be but it was a start. Jasper seemed to ignite whatever flame I had extinguished in her

Then there was Rosalie, who seemed to be struggling with something. Now when she came from work she'd throw her purse in her room and mutter about someone, the only things I were able to make out were a few choice curse words. Oddly, when it came to heading off to work she'd be as giddy as a teenage girl and spend more time getting ready. If she wasn't at work she'd seem lost in her thoughts. When I asked her what was wrong she'd say she was PMSing or that she was just tired.

Me? Basically the same. My nightmares were back in full force, which meant I was getting even less sleep. The girl's didn't speak about them, no doubt they could hear me, but I saw in their eyes that they were concerned.

Alice had mentioned that she missed hearing me play so sometimes when all of us were home I'd pick up her guitar and play but never creating a cohesive sound. This I guess annoyed Alice a tad "Bella, if you don't play an actual song- I'm sorry sweetie but I will throw the guitar in the garage." That earned a small apologetic smile from me, and a laughing fit from Rose. Now the girls make requests, very very careful requests might I add for which I am grateful for.

As a bit of an unspoken rule we don't talk about _that _night or the morning after but I was glad to see that they had taken in most of what I had told them and I them. The girl's said I passed out because I was dehydrated so I took care of myself. That meant forcing, well attempting, to force three square meals down my throat a day. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I told the girls _I _went grocery shopping by myself.

I continually suggested to Rose that she should go out with Alice and Jasper (who I have yet to meet, I think Alice is holding back on that introduction for awhile for which I am thankful for but at the same time can't help but feel guilty about) Rose rolled her eyes saying that there was no way in hell she was going to play third wheel. She did assured me that once the men in this world become suitable for her she'd go out on a date- and added "In other words, when hell freezes over"

That thaw out was put to a halt when Rose got the flu. Alice has been working Rose's shift as well as her own. I actually offered to cover for my sick friend until she got better. Alice told me that was out of the question because someone had to stay home and care for Rosalie. Did she really want me to play nurse or did she see how petrified I was at the thought of her actually taking me up on my offer?...

"102.4" I examine the thermometer

"Ugh" Rosalie was laying on the couch under a mountain of blankets and cuddling her favorite pillow.

"Better than the 104 you were running last night"

"Whatever, as long as I no longer need 'the bucket' any more I don't care. I hate being sick"

"Do you need anything? Soup? Orange juice?...Water? another blanket?"

Try as I might trying to act normal was still difficult to me. It was uncomfortable. On one side I wanted to do whatever I could to make life easier for my friends but on the other it felt wrong to act as if nothing had happened or like it had no effect on me. I was torn between a sort of duty and guilt. Not to mention it had been so long that _had_ been normal so everything I did or said felt unbelievably awkward. It was tiring and uncomfortable to say the least.

"No thanks, I'm fine right now besides feeling like dea- like a mess. What I _do_ need it for The Office to come on. I can only take so much day time tv. I mean how is there nothing on? Over a thousand channels and its all crap. I need some Jim Halpert"

"I…I could head out and pick up some Office DVDs if you want" _Please say yes please say yes_

"Don't worry about it I can text Alice to pick them up on her way home from work."

"Actually she working late tonight so all the stores will be close by the time she gets out…"

Rose took a beat to try and figure out why I was so willing to go out. She knows that I'm not great with crowds and the thought of possibly running into people I know scares the crap out of me. And my current track record showed it.

Why did I want to go now? Simple. Ever since my incident at Twilight the girls have put a damper on my running. They said I ran too much and I ran for too long. It wasn't healthy apparently. Now they only let me go on half hour runs with either Alice or Rosalie with me so they would set the pace. It had been 6 days since I had gone running.

What they didn't know, because I was in no way going to tell them, was that I _needed_ to run. Not only did it help me escape my emotions, but it also let me release a lot of them. Currently I was about to implode. With everything that had passed between that night at Twilight and now…I needed a release.

The main reason I ran though, was because it did suck energy out of me. If I pushed my self, if I ignore the pain in my legs and lungs and just ran- I'd be exhausted enough so that _sometimes_ when I came home I didn't have nightmares. So every time I ran I tried to push myself harder and harder to achieve a dreamless sleep. It was the one time didn't have to feel anything, pretend, or remember. I ran for blank nights and the more I ran, the harder it became to acquire.

"It'd be cheapest at Target so I could pick it up there".

"Target's 30 some odd blocks away, it is way to-"

"I could cut across the park. I was about to head out for a run anyway…"

She took almost a full minute to think it threw. I could tell she was arguing with her mind. One side saying to obey my wishes by not being so protective and the other screaming that she should never have opened her mouth.

"Bella…please please please becareful" She sighed

I was going to be running through a park in the middle of the afternoon where there I would be ample witnesses, the sky was bright blue on this day, June 20th…and she was worried about me.

Even though it was summer I dressed in workout pants instead of shorts and gray t-shirt. Rose gave me a tiny change purse to keep the money in and to put her at ease I shoved my cell phone in there.

"I'll be back in an hour, call me if you need anything Rose" I told her as I headed out the door

"Same goes for you!"

I made sure to walk across the street knowing she was probably watching me from the window. I waited till the path turned from cobble stones to pavement, knowing I was out of her sight, and I bolted down the longest route across the park.

I don't know how long it took me to get to Target but I sweat was pouring off me as I picked up seasons one, two and three of The Office. I kept my eyes on the racks or the floor while there not wanting to see anyone in particular. I also grabbed some extra medicine while I was there since Rose was going through every thing we had in the cabinets. Hopefully I wouldn't catch it from her.

After cashing out, I again took a different route back home. This one had more than a handful of hills for me to push myself up. I knew I didn't have a long time for this run before Rosalie called telling me to come home, so I made the most of it. If I hit a hard, tiring section, I'd circle back around and try to run faster than before. I heard a few "whoa" comments as I whizzed past other runners. Anytime I saw a steep big set of stairs I climbed up then down and repeated it a few times.

When I looked down and saw that my shirt was soaked from top to bottom I decided it was time to head back. And if anything I could take the stairs all the way to the top floor and then back down to ours.

I was about five minutes from the apartment, trying to push my body further and faster, when I went to look in the bags to make sure nothing had fallen out during my journey. I should have known better than try and do two things as once, because while looking down I didn't see the crack in the path and went tumbling to the ground.

No blood , a few scrapes but no blood. However my right ankle hurt like hell. I tried to get up, but the second I put weight on it the pain increased and I got a bit dizzy.

"Ow shit shit shit shit" With the bags in hand, I managed to get up and hop on my left leg over to the nearest bench and rolled up my pant leg. It was not a pretty sight.

My ankle was already swollen with patched of disgusting colors. It's no big secret that I'm a klutz, so I've endured many injuries over the years. Sometimes I was best if you walked it off, other it was best not to move. Right now was one of those times where it was border line either one. I could wiggle my toes, which was a good sign. I quickly learned that rotating it was out of the question

_Ow shit…I could call Alice but then she'd have to leave work…she's to tiny to do anything…Calling Rose is out of the question. She can barely move but that wouldn't stop her… Even so she'd call 911 or something…Suck it up and just walk, it's not that far_

My second attempt at putting weight on my injured ankle went better than the first. I moved in such away that most of the time I was on my left foot. I became more and more frustrated when the pain didn't subside with every step. A few times I just hopped on one foot but given my balance skills it wasn't working out too well.

After what seemed like forever I could see the entrance I used to get in the park and across the street from that was our apartment building. Unfortunately the path ahead of me was all uneven cobble stones, some a good two inches high and slanted than the others. No way could I hop, and walking on the grass was, as before, out of the question because of the tree roots, sticks, rocks and tiny ditches.

After a few deeps breaths, I clutched the Target bag closer to me and tried to I guess hobble the rest of the way. My right ankle screamed in protest when ever an ounce of pressure was put on it and since I had stopped running my legs felt like jello- I was exhausted…_mission accomplished_.

I fought back frustrated and painful tears and screams knowing neither would do me any good.

I got about 5 feet before my right foot slipped on a smooth stone and I again fell down. I rolled on to my back and threw my right arm over my eyes. I was defeated. I was done. I was not going to move.

So I just laid there for an immeasurable amount of time. A few people asked me if was okay, if I needed any help but kept my arm over my face and waved them off with my other thanking them but saying I was fine. "I just need a minute"

_I wonder how long I've been gone…can't be that long because Rosalie hasn't called…come to think of it why hasn't she called?... she's sick as all hell she probably fell asleep. I'll wait a few more minutes and then-_

A cool hand lifted my arm off of my face; I almost jumped out of my skin when he touched me. My eyes squinted as the sudden burst of sunlight blazing down on me so couldn't make out the silhouetted figure standing over me

"Thanks but I'm fine, I just need a minute" I recited my script dryly to figure above me

"Stop being so absurd, you know you're not fine. Let me help you"

My eyes finally adjusted to the light and I used my hand to help even more. He had a leg on either side of me, he was squatting just over my knees, and he had the greenest eyes I had ever seen.

* * *

**Again I'm sorry I took so long! I solemnly swear that I will be better with updates because I really do love this story**

**So let me know if you hated, liked or loved this chapter. Reviews make the world go round. Any chance i could get 20 or plus for this chapter??**

**Next chapter will be interesting to say the least. You'll find out why Rose hadn't called and of course you'll have more Edward and Bella interaction…speaking of which, how will Edward react when he finds out exactly who Bella is and vice versa? **


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